Finding Flow

As I've gotten older, I've come to the realization that my accomplishments, however impressive or challenging will always pale in comparison to people that are truly excellent and dedicate their lives to the area or task that I've completed some feat in my own mind. Given my desire to lead a balanced life between work, family and my own interests and hobbies, I will never be the best at anything.

The reality is that there are two things that drive my desire to push the limits in my own way in the things that I do. The first is the sense of accomplishment in a relative fashion, relative to my own previous achievements, relative to what I thought I could do and relative to the person who is also trying to achieve balance. The second is to get myself to a point of such ease with the challenge that the sense of the struggle to get to that point is lost and the feeling of calm and one with the activity is brought forward.

Some have defined this feeling in the context of sports as "flow", which is absolutely one part of it, but what I've also come to realize is that there is a second aspect. When I look back at the things that I've accomplished and think about how I felt, I also can remember an overwhelming sense of confidence. Not brash confidence or assuradness that I would be able to complete the task, but a feeling that I can do what needs to be done and that I can make it happen. This doesn't mean that I've always experienced that as the outcome, but I've had the feeling of the possibilities of my abilities in whatever I am doing. This isn't just sporting endeavors such as those prime years as a catcher where I didn't hesitate to call a curve ball in the dirt with a runner on third, no thought to my ability to block it, or when I ran the marathon and I don't even remember feeling my legs run for the first 15 miles. I also felt this in my 2nd year as an investment banker. I don't remember ever being asked to do anything or presented with a challenge that stymied me or made me doubt my abilities to complete it.

It is this second aspect that has become the primary driving force in my motivation in my life as I've gotten older. I understand now the work and the preparation that it takes to get to a level where I feel this flow and confidence and I crave the feeling as well as thrive on the work that leads to it, knowing that there is a direct link to my hard work and the possibilities of this feeling. I know that each action I take to learn or train whether it is in the gym or at work or in other ways (rowing instruction) that I am one very specific step toward that relative level of excellence.

The goal for me know at this stage in my life is to look at my life and understand which areas I want to drive to this level and figure out what are the actions that will take me there. Then I can put my head down, focus on the necessary steps and wake up every day with purpose and fullfilment. Is that not an appropriate purpose in life?