I've so enjoyed watching the evolution of my friends and acquaintances as they move from single young men, to experienced professionals and now to young parents. Sometimes I feel as if those three periods provide either evidence that people do significantly change and evolve during their lives or that the people we know are more complex than we ever really truly think about when we think about them or spend time with them.
Don't get me wrong, I know plenty of people who are the same person I met 10-20 years ago. Some even telling the same stories or the same jokes. What fascinates me are those people that move, mold and develop in different directions, some positive some negative from our first interaction. I remember the boyfriend, now husband of a good friend of my wife's. When we met he was a loud, brash, borderline alcoholic that make you always feel like he was selling something. He was always right and while he brought energy to a party, you quickly made your way to safer ground. Now, that same guy is the father of two, devoted husband and one of the most selfless people I know. He still has that energy and brashness, but redirected. For him, having a family brought out the core values he holds and stripped away all the bs, it's about being a good father, a good husband and a good man now that he's faced with real responsibility.
Where am I going with all this? I want to make a point about what this has taught me about the good dads I've seen in this world. It's easy enough to meet someone and know them for a few years and think "hey, he's a really great father". But maybe he's always been a nice guy to everyone and caring, etc. What does that really tell you? Seeing other people turn into great dads tells you that the great dads are the ones who, regardless of their own previous behavior, know that being a dad is the point where you ante up and focus on what's important. You force yourself to become more selfless, put your ego aside, and ensure you're always putting their needs first.
I hope that I have evolved in this way. I don't think I've always been selfless and giving the way people I know who truly are, but I want to be that guy know with my family and especially with my kids. While I don't plan on changing who am, I want to push myself to be that responsible, caring, selfless guy as much as who I am will allow. Then, I just have to hope that everything I have to give is enough to have my kids become the people I hope they can be.
Sunday, 4 December 2011
Monday, 14 February 2011
Midlife Crisis? Don't be a victim
In reality, I am not that different from many people. I have two kids, I live in the suburbs of San Francisco, and I have a good corporate finance job with a reputable Fortune 500 company. I'm mid thirties and I live comfortably. I have my own passions, primarily around outdoor sports, and I try and travel with my family when I can. I've lived in some great places and traveled extensively, but generally I'm pretty straightforward.
Also, I am happy with my life. I look back and don't regret any choices I've made, or where I've ended up. Sure, there are always adventures that I think about having that I can't really attempt in my current life, but I'm not about to have a midlife crisis. I am not going to wake up in 5 years and reassess my life because I'm on top of it. I'm constantly reassessing and ensuring I'm happy. When I've not been happy, I've made a change. I will never be a victim of circumstance and always do my best to own up to and create the life I want.
What I do make sure to do, or try to do, is keep myself aware of how normal my life can become. I find myself continually reading / watching / engaging with more ideas on counterculture, and philosophies that are in contrast to the life I lead. We all know that we spend too much time on things that don't really matter in life (the administration of life is a continuous drain), and so constant reminder that life is short, amazing, interesting and should be engaged and experienced at its deepest levels whenever possible. These examples provide ideas, motivation and actions that you can take to have more fun while also feeling and experiencing at levels our current lives sometimes do not provide.
Why do we all conform toward acceptable behavior and either get led into a life we don't want or lead a drab boring whitewashed existence? It comes down to that we are we always worried about what people think, how they are judging you. We've been taught to manage our own "brand" which means constantly managing the message. Don't get me wrong, in a professional environment I am always on the right behavior so that I can create the right opportunities for myself. But away from that brand management, we need to be doing things differently, be interesting, be exciting, be who you want to be. Don't just imagine or see yourself how you want to be, actually be that way.
Now, to remind you, I am a pretty normal guy. I love my family and I enjoy my life. But I make sure and catch myself when I'm worrying about what other people think, when I'm worried about how they will judge me. Have the confidence to be yourself, always do things for you and expose yourself to thinking and ideas that you won't get in your local gentrified neighborhood and dinner parties. Mix it up, keep it interesting and keep yourself engaged with your whole life and never look back.
Also, I am happy with my life. I look back and don't regret any choices I've made, or where I've ended up. Sure, there are always adventures that I think about having that I can't really attempt in my current life, but I'm not about to have a midlife crisis. I am not going to wake up in 5 years and reassess my life because I'm on top of it. I'm constantly reassessing and ensuring I'm happy. When I've not been happy, I've made a change. I will never be a victim of circumstance and always do my best to own up to and create the life I want.
What I do make sure to do, or try to do, is keep myself aware of how normal my life can become. I find myself continually reading / watching / engaging with more ideas on counterculture, and philosophies that are in contrast to the life I lead. We all know that we spend too much time on things that don't really matter in life (the administration of life is a continuous drain), and so constant reminder that life is short, amazing, interesting and should be engaged and experienced at its deepest levels whenever possible. These examples provide ideas, motivation and actions that you can take to have more fun while also feeling and experiencing at levels our current lives sometimes do not provide.
Why do we all conform toward acceptable behavior and either get led into a life we don't want or lead a drab boring whitewashed existence? It comes down to that we are we always worried about what people think, how they are judging you. We've been taught to manage our own "brand" which means constantly managing the message. Don't get me wrong, in a professional environment I am always on the right behavior so that I can create the right opportunities for myself. But away from that brand management, we need to be doing things differently, be interesting, be exciting, be who you want to be. Don't just imagine or see yourself how you want to be, actually be that way.
Now, to remind you, I am a pretty normal guy. I love my family and I enjoy my life. But I make sure and catch myself when I'm worrying about what other people think, when I'm worried about how they will judge me. Have the confidence to be yourself, always do things for you and expose yourself to thinking and ideas that you won't get in your local gentrified neighborhood and dinner parties. Mix it up, keep it interesting and keep yourself engaged with your whole life and never look back.
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